Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
