Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I CAN MOONWALK!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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