No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
