I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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