I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
