Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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