the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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