Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
