How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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