I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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