All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
