Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
