watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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