Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
