oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
