I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize