Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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