smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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