Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
