I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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