Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
