i permit you to call me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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