never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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