Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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