Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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