and i looked up. we had an audience...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
