when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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