I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
