Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
