gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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