I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
