Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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