MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
