God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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