I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
