pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
