then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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