Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Mom said you looked used
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
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he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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