That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
