They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
