Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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