that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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