i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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