i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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