i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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