I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
