i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
