You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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