I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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