it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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