If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize