I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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