We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
