you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
