The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
