We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
