I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
