I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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