it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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