Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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