i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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