everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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