Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
