Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
