You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sacagawea was the original milf.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
