Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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