does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
