He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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