My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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