I wish my penis had an off switch
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
