she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
