My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
